Discernment Counseling

For couples at a crossroads

Sometimes partners come to counseling in very different places.

One person may be seriously considering ending the relationship, while the other wants to stay together and work on repair. When one person is leaning out and the other is leaning in, traditional couples therapy may not be the best place to start.

Discernment counseling offers a structured, short-term space to slow things down and thoughtfully consider what comes next.

Discernment counseling may be a good fit if:

  • One of you is seriously considering separation or divorce while the other hopes to repair the relationship

  • One partner is unsure whether they are willing to participate in couples therapy

  • Separation or divorce has been discussed, but a final decision has not been made

  • You feel stuck between staying and leaving

  • Previous couples therapy has stalled because you were not equally committed to working on the relationship

Unlike traditional couples therapy, the immediate goal is not to repair the relationship or convince either person to stay or leave.

Instead, we work toward greater clarity and confidence about what direction to take, while developing a deeper understanding of what has happened in the relationship and each person's contribution to the patterns that brought you here.

Discernment counseling explores three possible paths:

  • Path 1: Continue as you are for now

  • Path 2: Move toward separation or divorce

  • Path 3: Commit to a six-month period of couples therapy, with separation/divorce off the table and a clear agenda for what each person will work on

There is no predetermined “right” outcome. My role is to support a thoughtful process in which both partners' perspectives can be heard.

If both of you currently want to work on repairing the relationship, couples therapy will likely be a better fit.

If you have already decided to separate, intentional separation & divorce counseling may be more appropriate.

Practical Details

  • Format: One to five sessions incorporating both joint and individual time. Sessions are generally weekly and usually 2 hours long, though the format may sometimes be tailored to a couple’s particular circumstances.

  • Location: Available via telehealth throughout Massachusetts, Nevada, and Vermont, with limited in-person sessions available by advance arrangement in Harvard Square, Cambridge.

  • Read more about fees and other logistics here.

If this resonates, or if you are simply unsure whether discernment counseling is the right place to start, I invite you to reach out for a free 30 min Zoom consultation.

We can talk about where each of you currently stands, what you are hoping for from counseling, and whether discernment counseling, couples therapy, or another form of support may be the best fit.